Good Thing; Bad Thing

This is going to be a big post as I am trying to write down what is on my mind.

Today I found out something that really broke my & my family’s spirit. In an event that this happens, I consider it to be a really bad thing. Though, I also believe that every event has 2 sides, a bad thing & a good thing.

I have faced many hurdles and crossed ditches (a few that I dug myself) & somehow managed to survive. For me, today is one such hurdle + ditch that I find myself in.

As they say, it’s better to start with the Good thing – it gives you the courage & strength to deal with the Bad thing.

Good Thing: I’m Single

Not many knew this & I thank my stars that I hadn’t made this information public was that I was getting married. After years of searching that special someone, I had found a girl who liked me, enjoyed my company & was looking forward to spending the rest of her life with me. That really makes you feel special. This special feeling, this euphoria, was short lived. Within approx. 10 days from our marriage been fixed, she called it off.

That brings me to – I am Single again. The search for that person, who would want to spend the rest of her life with me begins again. Again, I join the likes of Anuroop Vivah & TumchAmchaJamla, in search of that person. Again, I will enjoy Kande Pohe, explore new destinations, find new restaurants & cafes, go on official dates, etc. I will again be that guy, who isn’t free to play a round of Dota or Ingress because there’s a Baiithak at home.

Now that the good things associated with this are out of the way, let us turn to the Bad Thing.

Bad Thing: “ह्याचं लग्न मोडलं” / His marriage got called off.

This term, is the worst thing out there – “ह्याचं लग्न मोडलं” / His marriage got called off. There is a notion that there has to be a problem with the guy’s family and that is why this marriage got called off. It is this  काळा डाग / Red Flag that is scary.

It automatically puts me & my family in bad light. It puts a doubt in every person’s mind that maybe this family isn’t as good as it seems.

How & Why it happened:

I met her through Anuroop and after a couple of days of talking over WhatsApp, it was decided to have a formal meetup at my house. The girl was from another city & hence there was no way to just “hang-out” before a formal meetup.

The meetup went as expected. A bit awkward at start but all settles when you have a meal together. The family was excellent and my entire family (including me) loved the girl.

I am not a superstitious person but we are genetically embedded in believing certain things. For example, it was Padwa that day. There couldn’t be an auspicious day than this. While I was talking to her on our terrace (the few alone moments you normally get during a formal meetup), we saw a Bharadwaj. Having been on a few wildlife tours, I know a  Coucal is common & not a big deal but that Marathi gene kicks in sometimes. “Oh! We saw a Bharadwaj! This has to be a sign! It’s such a good thing”.

Within a day, her family said “Yes” & we replied with our “Yes” the very next day.

Once you get both “Yes”, the ride begins at a speed that you can seldom control. The following Sunday we were at their house (another city) for a formal extended family meetup. During this meetup, after dialogue between both families it was decided that we would be married on 16 August (I won’t get into detail of “why so soon!”).

We returned & started formally announcing to our other relatives & friends.  My parents were extremely happy & they wanted to share this news with everyone. I wasn’t so excited, or atleast felt I should not be so overly enthusiastic. I sent the news to a few close friends.

The girl had mentioned that “everything was happening too fast & she needed time to think” a few times during the week, but I thought it was just cold feet. Everybody get those (is what I felt) and since it was officially agreed to, we continued.

Last Sunday, I did a solo trip to spend some alone time with her. It was an excellent day, we hanged out, went for lunch, etc and I returned home happy with a Sunday well-spent.

Sadly, the next day, I came to know that she was seriously giving a rethought & was going to speak to her parents. A day later, i.e. yesterday – I received a small message – that it was over.

Positive Thing: I Commend her Courage

It takes a lot of courage to express this. I takes a lot of courage to say that “I do not love this guy & do not want to marry him.” I really commend her for that.

Had she stayed under pressure & married me, it would have destroyed both our lives. With all the love & respect I have for her, I said “Thank you” (and a few emotionally charged positive messages).

A Message for Her:

(I will be sharing this article with her & I do not know if she will read it.
If she ever does, this is for her.)

I hope you find that perfect match for you.

I hope you find that person, whom you meet for the first time, you get butterflies in your stomach.

I hope every time you hear a stupid PJ, you will think of me.

I hope you continue singing & take time out to learn it professionally. You have a beautiful voice.

I hope you will be as strong & confident when you take your life decisions.

I hope you take this entire incidence in positive light & be happy.

I wish you the best for your future.

Apology:

I apologize to all my family & friends if this entire incidence has caused you any distress. I know my parents are heartbroken, but we as a family are strong & are dealing with it. We have had our share of misfortune and bad happenings & have sailed through them to start afresh.

Moving On:

This incidence is behind me & I take it as an experience that people rarely get (or so I feel). Even though not enjoying it, I am dealing with it.

As mentioned earlier, I am Single again & ready to start the entire process again. If you are aware of someone who might be a suitable match for me, do let me know.

What do you think?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this incidence. I know there will be multitude of reactions & would love to hear them.

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10 Comments

  1. Rajaram Paranjpe

    Move on Mihir. You already have overcome the incident by posting all that transpired on your web site. Life is vast, you will meet your match. 👍

  2. ADWAIT VIVEK GADGIL

    Hey Mihir I read your article and first thing is I loved the way you took to all this incidence in a positive manner…..it takes a great courage to share all such experiences….one thing which I loved and which increased my respect for you is you totally supported that girl and respected her thoughts positively…..knowing you and your family since our school days I feel really sorry for what happened but will surely tell one thing you all (yourself , your mom and your dad)are really gem of a person…and the girl who marries you will be the most lucky girl….coming to what other people think I personally think that we should not bother about people if you are in right place(and I am sure you are in right place)….people talk from both the sides and what I see is this world (expect few people who understand us more than ourself) are always on the winners side….so I think we should just neglect such people who just put a stamp on you without understanding the situation…..so be as you are and remain strong….I would say you deserve the best and the best on your way….

  3. Neelima Bodhani

    Hats off Mihir for your brave, positive attitude, and in spite of this incidence ,your attitude towards her.
    Anyway , ‘ je ghadate te nehemi pudhe kahitari ajun changale ghadanar asate mhanunach.’
    Neelima Bodhani.

  4. Cheese! As shocking and unexpected as this must have been, your positivity and optimism is contagious and inspiring. Hopefully it helps me in some way to move past my personal hurdles..
    Thanks for the wonderful post and wish you all the best for everything in life! 🙂

    • Hi Snail,

      Every person has a way of dealing with situations. When I was faced with a hardship I took to this blog to express. Writing something down helps me in getting my thoughts sorted & organised.

      I am sure you will deal with it the best you can & move on!
      Cheers,
      Mihir.

  5. Friend of the girl who called it off

    Like you said, there are two sides to any story.
    Living in Indian society with strong patriarchal values, has never been easy. Her refusal to marry you may have pinched you, but it probably is a much more distressing event for her. “Her marriage got called off” is how people judge a called off wedding as opposed to “his marriage got called off” even today, in 2018.
    Here’s something to consider: may be she was never happy about the speed at which things were going. May be she never wanted to do it. May be she didn’t get a chance to speak up.
    You’re right when you say it takes a lot of courage to do what she did, because she would have had to risk upsetting not only you and your family, but her family as well.
    It is good that she has a well wisher in you, but it would have been nice to tell that to her in person, instead of you sharing the link to your blog. Personal messages loose their charm when put up as a broadcast.
    However, despite all that, I’m sure she wishes you well.
    Hope you find someone to enjoy your kanda poha with too!

    • Hi!

      Thank you for your reply.
      It was a ordeal for both of us and I appreciate you writing this comment.

      I would have loved to share my comments to her directly, but when you know you might end up hurting a person even more – its better to put it on a forum & leave her a choice whether to read the same or not. This was a decision I took when I was at my lowest & probably 6 months down the line I might look back & think, “what a fool I was”.

      Like you rightly said, I only have the best wishes for her & hope she finds her special someone.
      (I wanted to communicate this to her personally, but she has stopped responding).

      Really appreciate your time & thank you for putting your thoughts in. This justifies why I put it on a personal blog as I want people to discuss this openly.

      We might never meet in the future (I can kinda guess who you are), but had we a chance, I would have loved to hang out with you.

      Cheers,
      Mihir.

  6. Shishir

    Dear mihir sorry to read the “Bad News” but like your attitude and boldness to share yr views.Keep it in mind “everything happens fo Good.I m always with you.kothrud pune

  7. Kudos to your spirit Mihir!
    Wishing the best companion for you 👍🏻☺️

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